Yes, I’m single, only I’m not having as much fun as Larry Blackmon (Cameo). If you read the lyrics to this song, he is livin’ it up! I would assume “newly” single folk who have felt trapped and are now free, feel this way, but when you’ve been single as long as I have, it’s no party.
Being single has allowed me to test my will, so to speak. I’ve been single for sometime, and I’ve dated, but none of them made it to the level of “committed relationship” status that I seek. I’m really not sure how I feel about being single. I question what it is “I” am doing wrong…
At times, I long for companionship. I want to be able to love the way I have loved in the past. I appreciate the quote “….it’s better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.” I was blessed with love until he passed away. I miss the cohesion and the good and happy times we shared. I miss the love that we once shared and I look to recapture that again. I know that I am not alone in “knowing” what it is that I want in a relationship…I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I WANT. I KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE! The challenge is finding it, and more importantly recognizing it when it comes.
Then there are other times when I question…it’s been so long since I’ve been in a loving relationship, do I remember how to be with someone, how to compromise, how to share, how to give and love unconditionally? Seriously, I know you may say, how can you forget?, but after being single for a few years, I wonder, can I get used to sharing my space, my time, my energy and finances with someone? I hear complaints from some that they envy me for not having to deal with the headaches of a relationship. I see married folk, who are just that….married. I don’t want to be just married, when/if that time comes -- I want to be “happily” married. When I hear these type comments I question if I really want a relationship at all.
However, during these past years I’ve settled. I’ve settled because I was desperate to recapture what it was I had. I’ve dated men who I knew were not my soul mate (read the attached, and you will know “exactly” what a “Soul Mate” is…http://www.new-visions.com/astro/soulmates.html) I’ve dated men who on the outside are so beautiful but on the inside are as ugly as anything you could imagine. I believe people can feel, see and judge you by the vibes of your spirit. I believe a person can tell that you are vulnerable and will take advantage of you if you let them. I was not taken advantage of, but I was taken for granted.
Do you know how it feels to have a man do for “you” and say things to “you” and have an ulterior motive because he knows it will benefit him? Do you know how it feels for a man to “sell you dreams”? I do…I’ve been there, but I didn’t stay long. It’s funny, but we know when someone is not right for us, we have a built in instinctive mechanism called our “gut.” We know he has some issues, but we think to ourselves…”He’s not that bad, I can handle that…..” or “That’s a small thing…he can change” or “Oh well, it’s better than being alone..” HOLD UP!!!! But it’s not better than being alone. If you need a bed warmer, get a hot water bottle to replace the body heat “he” gave you. Being alone should not be looked at as if it’s a plague, it’s not a bad thing. It gives us the opportunity to reflect on what it is that should be done for when the “right” relationship comes along. Maybe we need to do a self check on what it is we attract into our realm and or spirit. Maybe we’re jaded because we keep choosing the same “type” men. Maybe our choices need re-evaluating. Take this “alone” time to learn about “you.” Maybe there are some inner issues within us that need to be checked….maybe?
I believe God has a plan for us, and we have to embrace the path chosen…good or bad, as our footsteps have already been ordered. From my experience, I give this advice: when in search of “the love of your life…” disregard the outer packaging and look at what is inside, love hard without limits, hold tight and embrace all that is good and feels good. There is also the possibility that I may not find my soul mate in this lifetime. However, I am so thankful to God that I have experienced real, true love. I know how it feels to love and I know how it feels to be loved by someone, and it felt good!
God is working on me -- I am His work in progress. My friend Marlene said something to me last week that made plenty of sense. She said “There are barriers, roadblocks and negativity that block the blessings due you.” She’s right, and in time and with God’s help we will remove these obstacles that are blocking my soul mate from finding me, but for “THIS” moment, I am single, secure and satisfied…..
Talk to me….
-DDW
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
DEE you are one of the most Dynamic, Soulful, Sexy, Sharp, Joyful, Strong, Smart ladies I know. Don't you ever settle for anything or anyone. Keep growing and god will put some one in your path. If a person has to stunt your growth to survive, you need not be with that person. Keep flowing and growing.
Love babe,
your big big Hommiee DEEsel
How many times have we had these "being single" conversation's? And each time you have stood your ground and spoke from your heart. The path you are on can't be any more clearer for the man who chooses to enter. I just hope he's brilliant enough to know what he's about to receive. A gem! I love the post!
Des
Good stuff and I'm happy for you sister life is a process ,the
> most profound thing about life is that it's a wonderful ever
> changing process ....learning to love oneself is the goal not to
> settle is great but are we being honest with ourselves are we
> really bringing to the table what we think we are
> bringing.That's really the key for me.Back to honesty piece I
> only grow when I'm truly honest with myslef.
>
That was deep and soulful. "Be true to thyself" just took on a whole new meaning for me. Don't ever settle! You will find love again. I am still searching for that love and like you, I won't settle for less.
You know my situation and if I were you I'd keep looking until you know it's right. Some lessons take longer to learn and I'm learning that one now. Be patient, God has a plan for all of us and when the time is right you will be blessed with a soul mate who will love, respect and appreciate you.
I have read your story wow that was deep.I first want to commend you on remaining strong in the midst of the storm,we all know that the strength that you display is nothing but the power of God.I have a couple of questions for you.
The Bible clearly lets us know that The Lord is my shepherd i shall not want.I will stop right there if God is truly your shepherd and you shall not want i dont understand the tone of your letter.You should be praising God that as your shepherd he is in control of your life.The shepherd anology is a good 1 because a sheep will follow anyone,and without the proper leadership it can be led astray.That is where the shepherd comes in he feeds the sheep when its hungry protects the sheep from the wolves who would do it harm.My question to you is if God can strenghten you through the passing of the love of your life,do you really think he would leave you alone?The bible clearly states we serve a jealouse God who wants to be our everything our lover our proctector our provider.But unlike the sheep we make decisions and expect our decisions to date people to fit in our plan for our lives not Gods plan.In your blog you never stated what Gods purpose for you is?Maybe God wants you to focus on him and how to use your blessing to be a blessing to someone else.Right now someone has lost a loved one and doesnt see the end of the road and you who have seen the road and traveled the road is not available to them because your focus in on a man........trust God with all thine heart and he will direct your path.Do you really think God wants you to be alone?.
Another question is why do you pick the wrong man?you are not forced to be with a lousy man,you chose to do it.You need to stop looking at the man and look at your self and ask why did i pick a dog now i got fleas and i wanna know why.A man can only do to you what you allow him to do,i will say that again a man can only do what you allow him to do.God will never leave you nor forsake you,he will give perfect peace to whos mind is stayed on him.Find out what Gods plan for you is and i guarantee you will be happy.If your cross it to be single for God wear that banner proud if its a man you desire fast and pray ask God for guidence and to lead you in his path.....................................
I read most of this Friday and I just finally got a chance to finish reading this. Over the weekend, I had a chance to hang out alone and I loved it. I thought the same thing about being alone. I thought do I really want to share this quiet time alone with someone else. Some days it is yes and some days it is no. Most men do take for granted the women in their life. They also don't appreciate what they have until it is too late. By that time we don't want to be bothered with them because we have given them chances to get it right. Why can't we both be at the same place at the same time? I have dated someone for over 3 years and by now we should be discussing marriage or at least the future and what it holds for us. But we are not and now I have to move on without him.
Another well-written and thought-provoking article Dee. I can relate to much of what you've written because I too have been single for a long time. One problem with being single too long is that you get used to it and have to learn to share your space, time, energy, finances, family, and challenges...etc. I've also dated and haven't made that soulmate connection that you describe...that gut feeling that you get when you know it's right. I appreciate your topic and have come to be ok with being single as I continue to build my spiritual compass to help guide me so I can recognize my soul mate when in my presence. I look forward to making that internal connection that tells my gut "she's the one". If you are single and happy that's not a bad place to be Dee considering the alternatives. Isn't there a song with the words "I could do bad by myself"?...You are a beautiful sister with a kind and warm spirit. To echo what the other bloggers have said in so many ways you are a gem and don't have to settle for anyone who does not recognize your worth.
Post a Comment