"Food for thought..."

I wish I were prettier

I wish I had larger breast

I wish I had a larger butt

I wish I had an hourglass figure

I wish I had long hair

I wish I were Kim Kardashian’ish

I wish….

I wish my mother were alive

I wish my husband were alive

I wish I could manipulate time
I wish I could bring them back…

I wish my Dad were in my life as a girl/young woman

I wish my friends loved me as much as they actually say they do
I wish….

I wish for cures for the afflicted

I wish for more compassion in the world

I wish poverty were at an all time low
I wish "peace on earth" were more than just words...

I wish money and status didn’t matter

I wish….  

I wish politicians were honest
I wish religious leaders were more upstanding
I wish the judicial system were fair

I wish the police were policed

I wish #blacklivesmatter were a reality

I wish for unyielding, unconditional, uncontrollable LOVE

I wish….for free coffee

I wish everyone "food for thought" this coming New Year…

DDW

Why are we obsessed with Social Media?

Why is it that we can’t seem to function without checking our social media accounts at some point in our day?  I’m guilty of this obsession and in its most revealing form, is a habit that we all enjoy.  I can’t be sure that social media is a “good” thing as much as I am almost sure it is an “addiction” of some sort. 

Social media has captivated our society where some people are obsessed with its overwhelming power to allure and influence, and/or to network and conduct business. 

Our youth however, are following and wanting to emulate the wrong images of celebrities and entertainers that are living fantasies themselves.  Young girls see reality stars and want to look like them.  They want plastic surgery and to live the life that these famous people have.  Young girls and women seem to be okay with being called a “bitch,” being okay with “sexting” and with posting degrading videos of themselves in compromising positions just to be viewed by the millions.  It saddens me.

I saw a news program about “butt” enhancements in a Central American country.  The program had a reporter follow one girl in her quest to enhance her bottom.  The girl was fifteen (15) years old.  When the procedure was completed, she told the reporter that her butt was not large enough and that in six (6) months she would return for another procedure.  Her reasoning for another procedure “I want the “men” (not boys) to look at my bottom when I pass them…”  Fifteen years old….My goodness!  This sweet little girl should be doing her homework, setting goals for her future, studying or shopping at the mall with her friends. 

As parents we should be educating our children about spirituality, how to love God, how to love ourselves, and how to love one another.  What happened to programs like the PAL (Police Athletic League), the Mission Society (The Cadets), The Boys and Girls Club to give our children an alternative to spending hours upon hours on social media?   We need more mentors, more teachers, more coaches, and more community leaders in our society [village] to help raise our children if need be. We (as parents) need to also know that we are not our children’s only influence, we have to instill our family values and morals into their brains so they know to be respectful adults. 

In recent years, Social Media has become ubiquitous and important for social networking and content sharing.  It’s one thing to be connected socially --it’s another thing to allow Social Media and video games to be the primary focus.  It’s never  too late to be proactive in our children’s lives….#ijs

Talk to me...

DDW

My First Love......

Selfish.  That’s how I feel when I think to myself I want my mom out of this misery.  It’s misery.  I’m waiting for my mother to die.

 It’s my family and I gathering around her hospice bed, looking at her, crying over her, praying for her, and feeling sorry for her.  We touch her, hold her hands, run our fingers through her course hair, and stroke her cheek.  We play music from her hay day, hoping she enjoys the melody, hoping they are bringing to life some memory inside of her, hoping for a sign that she enjoys this time we are with her.

I randomly whisper in her ear “I love you”, “You were a great mother to me”, “I’m right here next to you”, and “I’m sorry this had to happen to you mommy”.  I can no longer expect a response, I can only tell her things in hopes that she can understand what it is I am doing.  Inconsolably, I’m waiting for my mother to die.

My nightmares are no longer of what’s under the bed, or what’s hiding in the closet, or of when the boogie man will strike.  My nightmare is not necessarily at “night”.  What I fear is my telephone ringing; I fear what I may hear on the other end.  It is a waiting game, a horrible, atrocious, ghastly waiting game that I cannot stop at my leisure. 

My thoughts regarding my mother these days are not of the good times, or the wonderful memories, unfortunately.  My thoughts bring tears, pain, and extreme panic.  My thoughts cannot move past the image of her lying in bed unable to effectively communicate with her loved ones.  My thoughts….

My primary parent is leaving this earth sooner than later, and this feeling is foreign for me.  I don’t know what to expect. My life will no longer be the same.  This experience has PERMANENTLY changed the fabric of what the rest of my life will be. All I know is my mother, her voice, her touch, her smile, her laugh, her smell, her mannerisms. 

 I am ANGRY!  I am HURTING!  I want to SCREAM!!!! HOW DO I MOVE FORWARD?  WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?  WHAT DO I DO?   There is absolutely nothing I can do, but “Wait for my mother to die…..”

John 14:1-3 

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.

Memories of Mother.....

I’m at a crossroad in my life.  My mom is suffering from the end stages of dementia (A form of Alzheimers), and it has been quite difficult for my family and siblings to see her at this stage.  Whenever I see her, I get weak, and I want to break down in tears….as she is but a shell of the vibrant woman I remember.

I think back to yester year when she was well.  I think of the littlest of things like her hands, and how pretty they were with long nails. My mother smoked many years ago, so I remember her holding a cigarette between her delicate fingers, and lifting it to her mouth.  I remember the gap between her two front teeth and how beautiful it looked when she smiled.  I remember her laugh as she would talk on the phone to her sister. She is no longer able to speak so I think of her sweet voice.

Many days when she would come home from work, my sister and I would hope she had treats for us.  If any of you are from New York and are familiar with the 34^th Street “Herald Square” train station many years ago, you may remember the candy concession stand dead center after you paid your token.  My mother would stop and get her favorite candy, “Jordan Almonds”.  I remember this so clearly, they came in a small white paper bag, and she would eat them on the way home while riding the train.  If there were any left my sister and I would share them, Oh!  How we loved those little candies.   I have many memories that are so VERY precious to me.

I love you so much mommy, so very much.  I’m crying as I type, as I am filled with emotion.  It has occurred to me that at some point you may not remember me, BUT if you ever feel a slight wind pass your ear, just know it’s me whispering “I love you, and you will always be with me….”

DDW