Who do we consider our “friends”?
I’m sitting here really trying to figure out what to say about this topic. I know there are differences between friends and acquaintances, indeed, BUT I don’t think I have more than a few (a very small few) “friends” and one very special “BEST FRIEND” …
My mind seriously draws a blank when I try to make a list of friends. I have people I chat with on the phone, e-mail, go out to eat and have cocktails with occasionally, but I’m not sure about the friendship thing. In my lifetime, I have come across many, and I mean MANY people I have “thought” were my friends, but time has revealed they never were.
In my opinion friends are those you don’t see often, but when you do, you immediately pick up where you left off. A friend is someone you can call when you have a problem, and you know they will listen and advise accordingly. Friendship is a way of life, in the sense of constantly coming together with others. It is a different kind of love that shows the progression of self-awareness and knowing the other better. Friends are eager and excited to know, and be known by each other. The best friendships are not locked into one’s own thoughts, but are enriched by the others knowledge, and goodness.
Friends play all the time. At times we argue, but ultimately agree to disagree. We comfort each other when we hurt. We listen, and remain non-judgmental. A friend accepts your faults and will not try to change you. A friend encourages and support your ideas, gives constructive criticism and never tries to break your spirit or tear you down. A friend lifts you up....ALWAYS. A friend would not tear you down to others or kill your dreams. A friend is true, is someone who helps you see the truth, even if it hurts. This means being up front with friends about serious issues, raising questions with tact and love, never gossiping or putting them down to others behind their backs as a joke or to amuse themselves.
Real friendships don’t just happen, they are acquired through trust, and honor. They are meant to be nurtured and cultivated. Friendship is friendly, happy, loving, playful, relaxed, easy and never-ending. It is caring and sharing all that we are and all that we have to give. There is no demand, expectation or commitment on a friend.
I question if I am a good friend at times. I have a strong personality and it is not my intention to push people away from me, but I realize that sometimes I do. I can be stubborn, hot headed and often times demanding, but I don’t like being this way. Going forward I’ve vowed that I will try not to be as dominating or confrontational in a debatable manner as I have been, but to concentrate and demonstrate how to “be a friend” to those that are near and dear to me, instead of increasing my number of acquaintances who will eventually be removed from my life.
Kathy, I thank you for being everything I have written and much more. You are so much more than a friend or best friend to me, you are truly special. You are my sister, my mentor, my life coach. God has blessed me with you, and has kept you close to me for these 16 years for a reason. You will forever be a presence in my life…..
Talk to me...
DDW
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10 comments:
A very well expressed and inspiring blog, and one that I enjoyed reading. I would just like to share a couple of true friendship stories found throughout the Bible. First Samuel 20 focuses on the friendship of David and Jonathan. These two men truly cared for each other and had great trust and confidence in one another. David was running for his life from Jonathan's father, Saul. Jonathan recognized that David was innocent. Because of the true friendship they shared, David survived Saul's assassination attempts and went on to become one of Israel's greatest kings. Real and true friendship involves freedom of choice, accountability, truth, and forgiveness. Peter and Jesus give us this example: Peter, afraid for his life after Jesus is led away from the Garden of Gethsemane, denies knowing Jesus (John 18). As He is led away by His accusers, Jesus casts a look toward Peter that says, "I knew you would deny Me, and I forgive you" (John 21). Real friendship looks at the heart, not just the packaging. Genuine friendship loves for love's sake, not just for what it can get in return. True friendship is both challenging and exciting. It risks, it overlooks faults, and it loves unconditionally, but it also involves being truthful. Genuine friendship, also called "agape" love, comes from our Lord.
I totally understand how you feel. I have thought that I had real true friends but later found that they talk about me behind my back and then turn on me the first chance they get. They forget that I have been there for them 100%. Anytime they needed me I was there. I was there for support and comfort and will do just about anything humanly possible because I feel that is just what friends do for each other. I found that even my closest friends are not there for me. I always end up dealing with things myself because I can't turn to anyone in my time of need. I can't just pick up the phone and call someone to vent. I have to alway wait but damn if I don't pick up the phone for them it is a problem. I have probably missed out on some great people because I have trouble trusting people. I am so afraid that they will dump me so I pull back. I understand people have lives and can't get to you right away but damn. I am always understanding of everyone else but no one is understanding of me.
D, Like you, I have often questioned who my friends are and what it really means. I get how you feel understand so well! I took time a few months ago to evaluate the same scenario and I cut ties with someone I had been friends with for years. It was a long time coming but sometimes people tend to put thing's off thinking it will get better. Finally I had to think of myself for a change and since then, I have been more peaceful.
Also, what you mentioned about people not seeing each other often but picking up where they left off is so true! My best friend is me. This blog hit home!
Des
I have two friends and I am totally fine with that. Although at times I feel like I'm the better friend because I'm the one who constantly keep in touch and check on them to see how they are doing otherwise if I don't I wouldn't hear from them for weeks or possibly months. I guess I need to evaluate my two friendships a little more as well. But then who will I call friend other than myself?
Well, I'm glad you accidentally deleted my comment as I have more to say! I like you wondered for many years what a friend really was. I only had three friends growing up. One moved away in the 6th grade and I was so sad when her family suddenly uprooted and left. (I never knew whatever happened to her). One friend, Lisa, was my friend through Junior High and High school; she died in 1995 (R.I.P.). My third friend, Rey, is still my friend, confident, male counterpart to this day! Now I have a tight circle of friends who are there for me, accept who I am, as I accept who they are, don't judge, criticize me unless it's constructive, value and respect my opinions as I do theirs, tell me when I am doing something wrong, whether or not I like it and catch me should I ever fall as I do for them. Like I told you, we have been through everything together for the last 10 - 27 years (we met at different times) and I look forward to going through many more times, good or bad, together. I never thought in all my life that I would have such a strong network, as I was a quiet, solitary, child (believe it or not) but I am blessed and I thank God for bringing those people to my life...and that includes you Dee!!! May our friendship continue to grow. Friendship doesn't happen overnight , it is life ever evolving. Friendship is lifelong.
I can expound upon your thoughts. A friend.... such as I have named you, is someone who dares to be themselves with me. Someone who shares their thoughts about simple and complex issues within our friendship and the world around us. I appreciate your willingness to see yourself through someone else's eyes. Most people fear that, and are so comfortable building a fantasy of who they wish to be. Exactly how our friendship will continue to blossom is entirely left up to you. I met a beautifully attractive woman inside and out that, I found her friendship to be more important to me than the possible relationship I initially sought. Sure we haven't spoken about such things in a great while, or at great length.... but that is what makes it more meaningful. Patience. Without demands or expectations, I have formed a new awareness of the idiosyncrasies of you that I could have missed. You are sensitive and possess deep thought, traits rarely experienced these days. Thank you for being my "friend". Sandy Deon
It is very mature of you to admit that you have faults as a friend as some of us will never admit that we can be demanding, overbearing, unsympathetic, the list goes one. If you can take the time to look deep within yourself like you just did then you are well on the way to being an even better friend. Friends are for a reason, season and lifetime and sometimes as sad as it may seem we have to let "friends" go. The magic is gone. Poof! Some people like to think that they dont need friends but everybody and I mean EVERYBODY needs a least one friend. You are blessed if you have more than one and if you are lucky enough to have childhood friends still in your life through thick and thin then you are truly blessed. Friendship is like a relationship it has its ups and downs but if you chose to save the friendship then you will weather the storm and remain friends forever.
For anonymous who feels that they are the better friend, define being the better friend? Being a friend is just that... being a friend. The two friends that you have may be unable to communicate with you the way that you may like but if you are a real friend then you would understand that. Being a friend is more than saying it, and being a friend is more than thinking about the fact that you are "more of a friend" then they are. Look closely at yourself and ask yourself if you are being "friendly" or are you being that friend that has restrictions on friendship. I called you more than you called me blah blah... just be happy that the three of you are in touch and life is good.
I am so glad that you wrote this blog because everything you spoke upon is nothing short of the truth. I can honestly say that I have 2 "Best" friends...Now that is more than anyone can ask for and I have been truly blessed to have them in my life. Aside from my mother and "Family" they are the ones that I know have the upmost faith in me and are there for me whenever I need them, they pray with me and pray for me, tell me the truth even if I don't want to hear it and never judge me for being the human being that I am. We must remember that we are all human beings but much more than that we are "Souls" "Spirits" that are looking for others to connect with us on a stronger level. So I am forever grateful and know that I have been highly favored in the kingdom to not only have one but two of the most wonderful souls come into my life.
Side bar: To my amazing Aunt "Neicie" I have learned so much from you, I have grown out of my shell because of you, I am one step closer to my dreams because of your belief in me. You are not just an incredible woman but an incredible soul...a soul that has touched mine from the day I was born. I absolutely adore you and I am so proud of you and your blog.
Love you forever,
Nellie bear
Very good piece! And something that many people should read! I have always looked at myself as a good friend! God knows that I have had enough practice! I still have friends from when I was seven years old! We still talk all of the time! Despite being married, I still have girlfriends from high school that call me! And we are just friends! I would not classify them as must best friends, but their friendship is important to me! It's funny, today I was just thinking about two childhood friends both have been going through marital problems for awhile. I being "Dr. Love" as I am called was always there for them with an unbiased opinion! But when I have my issues it's never the same response! I picked up the phone the other day and I was like "Hmm…why am I calling her? If a week or two has gone by and she does not feel the void forget her!" I'm sure things will work out; everybody is going through rough times now! I'll make the phone call today!
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