Eight months have passed since I wrote my blog on being single, and nothing has changed. I have met and dated men, but none of them seemed ready to go the distance, want to commit, simply were not interested, or maybe the chemistry was non-existent. I’ve grown to dislike the, at times grueling process of dating. I am not interested in acquiring anymore male friends, as the two I have are more than enough. When I get this vibe, I am completely uninterested in even a friendship. I do enjoy dating when it seems there is a mutual enthusiasm and interest. Perhaps I am not clearly articulating my expectations, or if I am, it could be a little premature which scares them off??? The uncertainty is what confuses me the most. I have been on enough dates to know when the objective is no more than a conquest, and on those dates, my non-interest is immediately noticed.
I wonder why men send signals that seem to be from “outer space.” I’ve met many men who were attracted to me, who have been persistent in getting to know me. Men who send me flowers, cards, candy, perfume and text cute notes to let me know they were thinking of me. Men who take me out to lovely restaurants and say all the right things – everything seems to be moving in the right direction. Then, out of nowhere the enthusiasm changes, our communication and conversation seem to diminish, their interest wanes, and they disappear without a trace or a clue with no explanation.
I find this behavior immature, frustrating, confusing and ambiguous. I’ve asked some of my male friends to share their thoughts/points of view on this behavior. What they shared still left me puzzled, and wanting more insight. I don’t believe it has anything to do with my demographic area, my age, my standards, my looks, the so-called ratio of women to men, where I work, how much money I have or any other excuse you can think of to determine why I am single. We are individuals and we all have an agenda. Finding that individual with an agenda that’s similar to ours is the challenge.
I want to believe finding my soul mate is all about timing, Godspeed, fate and destiny. When your soul mate arrives it will be the two of you coming together at a precise moment in time that cannot be controlled, determined or foreseen. However, I do wonder if I should stand still, and allow fate to take its natural course – OR – if I should intervein and help fate along, by looking for the man that is to be my “soul mate”?
My ideal soul mate and I will be equally yoked, and have the same goals in life. Our lifestyles and values will be consistent with one another. We will instantly know that we belong together – there will be no mistake about that. Establishing our relationship will be effortless, and loving each other will be easy. There will be a sense of peace and harmony, respect and admiration, caring and trust. We will form a bond that cannot be broken, and God will bless this unity with unconditional love, faith in Him, prosperity, and compassion.
I will keep you updated on my progress, or lack there of.
Talk to me….
DDW
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8 comments:
This is great!! I feel your pain. I have this idea of what love is and how it should come about. Sometimes I believe in fate but sometimes fate doesn't come as fast as I would like. I believe that you have to help it along. You also have to go with your gut instinct, just go with the flow. I have at times. They may not have worked out but I definitely learned something from each one. Good luck on your journey, I will be there with you every step of the way.
My Dear Sweet Beautiful Baby Sister!
Not to worry.
Whatever you do DO NOT “stand still.” Nothing will happen if you do. Fate and destiny need your help. Continue on your journey to seek love and companionship. God knows the desires of our hearts and will provide us with exactly what (and who) we need. Savor and enjoy the journey in the search for love. Learn from your experiences. I want to share with you a quote from Chaucer from "The Franklin's Tale":
For there is one thing I can safely say: that those bound by love must obey each other if they are to keep company long. Love will not be constrained by mastery; when mastery comes, the God of love at once beats his wings, and farewell -- he is gone. Love is a thing as free as any spirit; women naturally desire liberty, and not to be constrained like slaves; and so do men, if I shall tell the truth.
See who is the most patient in love; he has the greatest advantage. Patience is surely a great virtue, for it vanquished, as these scholars say, things that rigor would never manage. One cannot scold or complain at every word. Learn to endure patiently, or else, as I live and breathe, you shall learn it whether you want to or not. For certainly there is no one in the world who doesn't do or say something amiss. Anger, sickness, or planetary influences, wine, sorrow, or changing of disposition often causes one to do or speak amiss. One cannot be avenged for every wrong; according to the occasion, everyone who knows how, must use temperance. And therefore a wise man, in order to live in comfort, promises his lady forbearance, and she wisely gives her promise to him.
Love you!
Kat
Sending mixed signals. Hum.. In my opinion that's one of the biggest misconceptions about dating. Why can't people just simply say what's on their mind? This way we don't have to wonder if the men were captured by aliens and taken to "outer space" as you so witty wickedly put it ;) I know it's tough to believe that Mr. Right for you is out there patiently waiting a wonderful jewel as yourself. When your approached by men who give false hope, it's hard to believe.
Allow "fate" to take its course Denise. I'm not saying don't look, but what I am saying is don't settle. Sure, you may have to bend a little and I think your okay with that, but being single is not a death sentence, although I know it could feel that way. That is not to say that your lonely and anxiously waiting but yes, dating someone who has great potential would be nice!
You deserve a lifetime of happiness and by trusting in God and knowing he has your back, is all the reassurance you need.
Loved this blog! Rock on...
Des
Denise, I feel exactly what you are feeling. Should we let fate bring us together or should we intervene? Sometimes I back off and let fate have its way but sometimes I get tired of that and intervene. I don't know which way to go anymore. I wish there was a simple solution to the question but there is no one solution. What can we do? Keep our faith strong, not settle and move forward. Love you darling. Once again, love your writing.
One of the most interesting and worth reading blog I read.
Love is Difficult to say the least
I am about to take that Journey. I have procrastinated for awhile now. There's a part of me that don't even want to be bothered. However I need to have the experience and besides I want to be in Love again. I miss those feelings there's nothing like it especially when it's mutual. I thought I had found my Soul Mate. The chemistry was perfect we loved each other, but I learned that sometimes that is simply not enough . I wonder if I will ever have those feelings again. It was wonderfully, exquisitely, Beautifully, exciting, and so fulfilling
It doesn't compare to any other good feeling that I have ever experienced . I am inspired by our Kathy and my Cousin Trina they both found husband's on Line . Black People Meet Dot Com and Match Dot Com. So that let's me know it's possible. ...I do realize that what works for some might not work for all but consistency, determination you keep at it , it should get better , you should be closer to achieving your goal . I do have a question to ask you about your experience, but I'll save for another time.
Love your blogs girl
Keep up the good work
Interesting
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