I’m at a crossroad in my life. My mom is suffering from the end stages of
dementia (A form of Alzheimers), and it has been quite difficult for my family and
siblings to see her at this stage. Whenever I see her, I get weak, and I want to break down in tears….as she
is but a shell of the vibrant woman I remember.
I think back to yester year when she was well. I think of the littlest of things like her
hands, and how pretty they were with long nails. My mother smoked many years
ago, so I remember her holding a cigarette between her delicate fingers, and
lifting it to her mouth. I remember the
gap between her two front teeth and how beautiful it looked when she smiled. I remember her laugh as she would talk on the
phone to her sister. She is no longer able to speak so I think of her sweet voice.
Many days when she would come home from work, my sister and
I would hope she had treats for us. If
any of you are from New York and are familiar with the 34th Street “Herald Square”
train station many years ago, you may remember the candy concession stand dead
center after you paid your token. My
mother would stop and get her favorite candy, “Jordan Almonds”. I remember this so clearly, they came in a
small white paper bag, and she would eat them on the way home while riding the
train. If there were any left my sister
and I would share them, Oh! How we loved
those little candies. I have many
memories that are so VERY precious to me.
I love you so much mommy, so very much. I’m crying as I type, as I am filled with
emotion. It has occurred to me that at
some point you may not remember me, BUT if you ever feel a slight wind pass your ear, just know it’s me whispering “I love you, and you will always be with
me….”
DDW
