Money Saving tips on your road to Financial Freedom...

People see your life on social media and have absolutely no idea what you went through to become the person you are. My mom was a single, working parent raising three daughters, I grew up in The Bronx, I went to public school all of my life, I never completed Community college, and finally, in 1999 my husband passed away at the ripe old age of 29, leaving me to raise my two young children (then 3 and 7) alone. So I’ve seen some adversity in this life, but I didn’t let any of these obstacles stop me.

I’m often asked “How do you do it? How are you able to do all that you do with no help?” It was hard, but show me a life that doesn’t have its challenges. Get a plan together as to what you want to do, and what steps you need to follow to accomplish your personal goal(s). Once you have that plan, stick to it.  No matter how hard it is, “try” to focus on the end result.

Stick to your budget!  You don’t need that new phone, that new Smart TV, or the latest Yeezy’s. Budget carefully and know the importance of budgeting. Choose your outings wisely by keeping in mind your available funds so that you don’t overspend.  Always make sure to put something, ANYTHING towards your savings. Rainy days are sometimes inevitable, and this may be your saving grace.

Try to pay down your debt. The goal as you grow older is living a debt free life and having financial freedom.  The following are some of my basic rules which allow me to live my best financial life.

Pay down your debt:

1. Try to put yourself in a position to pay off your larger assets if you can. I found that whenever I bought a car, when it got down to that last $5K, I would write a check to pay it off. This way that monthly car note money, would go directly to my 401K, another saving vehicle.
2. Try to double up on your mortgage payments. This is not easy, but it is doable. If you are unable to double it, put what you can afford towards that mortgage payment to bring down your principle.
3. Credit cards…do people still have those? When I purchased my apartment, my mortgage lender suggested that I pay off all of my credit cards, so I did with the exception of one, which I still have 16 years later. If you can, I suggest this as well.  All of the money you save should be directed somewhere where it will benefit you in your retirement years (i.e., 401K or an IRA).

Take your meals to work with you: 

1. How many times have we heard in our life that it is polite to clean your plate? That may be so, but there are times when you eat out that the portions are HUGE, so bring your own to work and you will eat only the necessary amount.
2. We all know that if you add up how much you spend on breakfast and lunch in one day then times that by five, you could probably do a weeks’ worth of grocery shopping (at least I DEFINITELY can)
3. You know your food is made with good quality ingredients. You chose those veggies and fruits, so you know they’re good.  You also know you wash your hands before you prepare your meals …so be safe, and bring your own.

Turn that Brain on in the Grocery Store:

1. Take advantage of grocery store circulars. They have some great deals listed and they change weekly.
2. Buy store brand products. Guess what?  Those named brand beans come from the same facility as those store brand beans.
3. Utilize store “Rain Checks”. If you see a really great deal and they have no more in stock, don’t fret, get your raincheck.  You can always use that deal in the coming months.

Sales and Clearance Items:

1. Sign up to your favorite store for emails letting you know about sales. Oftentimes, you will be the first to know, and you get first dibs on the merchandise.
2. Make a b-line to the “Clearance” department. I could care less if it’s last season’s merchandise. I’m still wearing merchandise from ten seasons’ ago…
3. If you live near any Outlets, take advantage of them. I find that when the holidays are coming up is when they have the best deals. I don’t necessarily suggest you go high end shopping at the Outlets, but I do like the Nike and Adidas stores in the Outlet malls.

Household Repairs and Upgrades:

1. Invite some friends and family over and have a paint party for a quick spruce up OR you can do it yourself.  That’s what I do, I find it therapeutic.
2. Change your own sockets, light switches, or even put up your own ceiling fans. Hey, if I can do these things, so can you.
3. Plaster that hole in the wall yourself.  You CAN do this! Don’t pay handymen to do these small tasks.  Believe me, when the big issues arise you will have money saved to pay them for these things. 

Save on your Utilities: 

1. I noticed my electricity bill was really high a few years ago and when I called my provider, it was suggested that when no one is home to “unplug” everything I would not need.  I did this and it saved me $50.00 that month.  This is now a daily practice for me.
2. DO NOT run the water as you are brushing your teeth. Wet your toothbrush, turn water off, apply toothpaste, brush, and then rinse your toothbrush accordingly. DO NOT run your shower, leave the bathroom and talk on the phone for 30 minutes. Your water bill may not be too much, but it’s good for the environment to be cautious.

In closing, the objective is to be a smart consumer. Budget wisely, ask questions, and be aggressive in your search for your own personal goal. The above are just a few strategies that have worked and continue to work for me. I find that my life has changed for the better by following these simple rules. I hope you utilize some of these tips, and you are on your path to living your best life…

Talk to me...

DDW

"This is a MAN'S world".....or is it?

I hear so much talk about how women are too independent, and how men want a woman who yes is independent, but soft.  I’m hearing society has made women hard, and therefore men don’t want a woman that is hard and doesn’t need a man in this day and age.

Well answer me this?  What has society taught men in this day and age about women? I think men don’t know what the fuck they want!  If you’re too independent he fears she will be dominant, and he cant control the household. He can’t have that, BUT yet he doesn’t want a woman who is dependent either.  WHAT THE FUCK do you want?  If you are dependent, he thinks you are lazy and uneducated, and you only want his money.

You want us to have a career, clean the house, take care of the kids, be educated, pretty, and fit, BUT you want us to submit to your needs upon demand.  You DON’T want us to be unemployed, home bodies, uneducated, fat or unattractive because then you think we’re useless. What THE FUCK do you want? 

We live in the 21^st century.  Women today will not be the women of the 60’s 70’s or even 80’s…and guess what?  As we continue to move into different decades and millenniums, it’s only going to magnify? 

I recently read an article that stated “If a woman is too smart, a man sees you as either boring or a threat if he is not on your level”.  If you make more money than he does, or have a higher credit score, or you have a Masters and he only has a Bachelors, he feels threatened, but WHY?????  Why is a strong, educated woman a threat or shunned?  Why is SHE single?

Women have been taught to take care of themselves by their elders or women before them.  You know why (or what could partly be a reason why?)?  Because women of yester year who were not educated, who were housewives, may have been abused both mentally and physically, and for the most part had nowhere to go, so they had to rely on their husbands for their livelihood.  So “those” women taught their daughters, and those daughters, taught their daughters to be strong, to be smart, to always have your own, so you won’t have to endure such abuse.  To never stay somewhere and be abused just because you don’t have your shit together.  Wouldn’t a man teach his daughter this same lesson?  Wouldn’t a man encourage his daughter to be the absolute best she can be?  To never have to settle?  So again, tell me in THIS day and age what a man is looking for in a woman?

Where is the balance?  What the FUCK do you want?  Men be verbal, be expressive, be communicative, tell women what men want because what I hear is so fucking contradictory it’s ridiculous!

I’m listening….seriously listening.

"Food for thought..."

I wish I were prettier

I wish I had larger breast

I wish I had a larger butt

I wish I had an hourglass figure

I wish I had long hair

I wish I were Kim Kardashian’ish

I wish….

I wish my mother were alive

I wish my husband were alive

I wish I could manipulate time
I wish I could bring them back…

I wish my Dad were in my life as a girl/young woman

I wish my friends loved me as much as they actually say they do
I wish….

I wish for cures for the afflicted

I wish for more compassion in the world

I wish poverty were at an all time low
I wish "peace on earth" were more than just words...

I wish money and status didn’t matter

I wish….  

I wish politicians were honest
I wish religious leaders were more upstanding
I wish the judicial system were fair

I wish the police were policed

I wish #blacklivesmatter were a reality

I wish for unyielding, unconditional, uncontrollable LOVE

I wish….for free coffee

I wish everyone "food for thought" this coming New Year…

DDW

Why are we obsessed with Social Media?

Why is it that we can’t seem to function without checking our social media accounts at some point in our day?  I’m guilty of this obsession and in its most revealing form, is a habit that we all enjoy.  I can’t be sure that social media is a “good” thing as much as I am almost sure it is an “addiction” of some sort. 

Social media has captivated our society where some people are obsessed with its overwhelming power to allure and influence, and/or to network and conduct business. 

Our youth however, are following and wanting to emulate the wrong images of celebrities and entertainers that are living fantasies themselves.  Young girls see reality stars and want to look like them.  They want plastic surgery and to live the life that these famous people have.  Young girls and women seem to be okay with being called a “bitch,” being okay with “sexting” and with posting degrading videos of themselves in compromising positions just to be viewed by the millions.  It saddens me.

I saw a news program about “butt” enhancements in a Central American country.  The program had a reporter follow one girl in her quest to enhance her bottom.  The girl was fifteen (15) years old.  When the procedure was completed, she told the reporter that her butt was not large enough and that in six (6) months she would return for another procedure.  Her reasoning for another procedure “I want the “men” (not boys) to look at my bottom when I pass them…”  Fifteen years old….My goodness!  This sweet little girl should be doing her homework, setting goals for her future, studying or shopping at the mall with her friends. 

As parents we should be educating our children about spirituality, how to love God, how to love ourselves, and how to love one another.  What happened to programs like the PAL (Police Athletic League), the Mission Society (The Cadets), The Boys and Girls Club to give our children an alternative to spending hours upon hours on social media?   We need more mentors, more teachers, more coaches, and more community leaders in our society [village] to help raise our children if need be. We (as parents) need to also know that we are not our children’s only influence, we have to instill our family values and morals into their brains so they know to be respectful adults. 

In recent years, Social Media has become ubiquitous and important for social networking and content sharing.  It’s one thing to be connected socially --it’s another thing to allow Social Media and video games to be the primary focus.  It’s never  too late to be proactive in our children’s lives….#ijs

Talk to me...

DDW

My First Love......

Selfish.  That’s how I feel when I think to myself I want my mom out of this misery.  It’s misery.  I’m waiting for my mother to die.

 It’s my family and I gathering around her hospice bed, looking at her, crying over her, praying for her, and feeling sorry for her.  We touch her, hold her hands, run our fingers through her course hair, and stroke her cheek.  We play music from her hay day, hoping she enjoys the melody, hoping they are bringing to life some memory inside of her, hoping for a sign that she enjoys this time we are with her.

I randomly whisper in her ear “I love you”, “You were a great mother to me”, “I’m right here next to you”, and “I’m sorry this had to happen to you mommy”.  I can no longer expect a response, I can only tell her things in hopes that she can understand what it is I am doing.  Inconsolably, I’m waiting for my mother to die.

My nightmares are no longer of what’s under the bed, or what’s hiding in the closet, or of when the boogie man will strike.  My nightmare is not necessarily at “night”.  What I fear is my telephone ringing; I fear what I may hear on the other end.  It is a waiting game, a horrible, atrocious, ghastly waiting game that I cannot stop at my leisure. 

My thoughts regarding my mother these days are not of the good times, or the wonderful memories, unfortunately.  My thoughts bring tears, pain, and extreme panic.  My thoughts cannot move past the image of her lying in bed unable to effectively communicate with her loved ones.  My thoughts….

My primary parent is leaving this earth sooner than later, and this feeling is foreign for me.  I don’t know what to expect. My life will no longer be the same.  This experience has PERMANENTLY changed the fabric of what the rest of my life will be. All I know is my mother, her voice, her touch, her smile, her laugh, her smell, her mannerisms. 

 I am ANGRY!  I am HURTING!  I want to SCREAM!!!! HOW DO I MOVE FORWARD?  WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?  WHAT DO I DO?   There is absolutely nothing I can do, but “Wait for my mother to die…..”

John 14:1-3 

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.

Memories of Mother.....

I’m at a crossroad in my life.  My mom is suffering from the end stages of dementia (A form of Alzheimers), and it has been quite difficult for my family and siblings to see her at this stage.  Whenever I see her, I get weak, and I want to break down in tears….as she is but a shell of the vibrant woman I remember.

I think back to yester year when she was well.  I think of the littlest of things like her hands, and how pretty they were with long nails. My mother smoked many years ago, so I remember her holding a cigarette between her delicate fingers, and lifting it to her mouth.  I remember the gap between her two front teeth and how beautiful it looked when she smiled.  I remember her laugh as she would talk on the phone to her sister. She is no longer able to speak so I think of her sweet voice.

Many days when she would come home from work, my sister and I would hope she had treats for us.  If any of you are from New York and are familiar with the 34^th Street “Herald Square” train station many years ago, you may remember the candy concession stand dead center after you paid your token.  My mother would stop and get her favorite candy, “Jordan Almonds”.  I remember this so clearly, they came in a small white paper bag, and she would eat them on the way home while riding the train.  If there were any left my sister and I would share them, Oh!  How we loved those little candies.   I have many memories that are so VERY precious to me.

I love you so much mommy, so very much.  I’m crying as I type, as I am filled with emotion.  It has occurred to me that at some point you may not remember me, BUT if you ever feel a slight wind pass your ear, just know it’s me whispering “I love you, and you will always be with me….”

DDW

The End of Sadness….

All alone, and left with my thoughts.  I doubt anyone cares.  I cry often, begging God for finality, and ease of anguish.  Despair, disdain and desperation begin to set in.  I wonder what my purpose in life is, and will it reveal itself in time. My sadness is real, my loneliness is real, and my emotional downward spiral is REAL!

 I have no one to turn to; no one takes my heartache and pain serious.  My furtive calls for help fall upon deaf ears.  The earliest I can speak with someone professionally is ninety days, when I need to speak with someone now.  Will anyone listen before its too late?  

When all is done, there will be many who will come to see me, who will cry for me, who will have distant fond memories of me, but I’m not fooled.  They never cared.  If they cared, they would have been with me before my departure.  Talking to me, consoling me, uplifting me, holding me, telling me they love me, and I have nothing to fear.  WHERE WERE YOU?!?!?  The lights and the fire are out, too late for your words of comfort and kindness that you stand on the podium to recite.  It’s stuffy, dark and tight in here, but I hear you all weep. The pastor reads his scripture, the flowers are thrown, the dirt is shoveled, and those who have grieved and mourned my passing are now leaving to go back to living their lives.  It is forever, the end of my sadness….

*This post is NOT about me, but I do understand some aspects of this writing.  At times I'm sad, cry and speak with God on various issues.  However, there are people who follow through with suicide due to lack of resources or we don’t see the signs.  Please try to be aware of the signs, and be willing to help…. 

http://www.webmd.com/depression/depression-helpline

Wake up....!

No need to wonder why some women are single. The answer is a simple one. Women have been brainwashed. Recent generations of women have been taught to take care of ourselves, provide for our children, to be “just as good or bad” as a man, independent, and to compete in the workforce with men. When in fact we should be being taught to be loyal, submissive (honor and respect, not dominance) and most importantly know your role as the woman in the relationship. I wonder if being taught all of the independence, we lose what the role and demeanor of a woman should be. Some women want to run shit, they want to be the head of the family, yet they still want the man to be manly. How can he be? How can a man feel manly, when some women throw in their man’s face how much they don’t need them? How they, the woman, can do everything by and for themselves. Simply put a real man cant. Keep in mind, a loser will revel in the thought of you “holding it down” –ALONE.

I am guilty of being brainwashed. I find that the teachings of the recent generations left me with a very strong personality, and this, along with my independence leaves me empty. In a dream I had, I was speaking to a woman who had been cheating with a married man, and while speaking with her, she mentioned her lover preferring to speak to her in place of his wife. When I asked why, her answer was as simple as “It’s how I speak to him.” At that very moment I awoke, and was unable to get back to sleep. I hung onto those words and began thinking just how important communication is within a relationship. I began to think of myself in the wife’s place, in the sense of how I may be speaking to the men I have dealt with. My strong personality and independence leads me to believe I can run shit, so in turn I lean towards dominating the relationship. I’m sorry ladies, but a REAL man will not allow it!

The Real Man: A real man who loves you will check this type woman, and feel assured that the negative manner, disrespectful behavior or tone in which she speaks or displays will not happen again. No one wants anyone who is weak, and I am not promoting scare tactics. A man wants a woman to be soft and angelic, and a woman, a man who is compassionate and sensitive, but weak, NO. However, there have to be rules in place in a relationship. Once again, know your role or better yet, play your position, or game over!

The Loser: A loser who is looking for the free ride OR the guy that just wants to be in your presence will not check your dominance or manner in which you speak to him. Why would he? He is comfortable in knowing his place and or role. He knows your bills will be paid, the food will be bought, the sex will be given in rations (he is satisfied with any amount you give him), and the children will be cared for. He knows that if he abides by your rules, stays out of your way, and be the “yes” man, all is good. He knows you complain to your girlfriends about how he is, and he could care less, because his eyes are on the prize – YOU. This is not the man you want in your life ladies.

So, how does one change who they’ve become? How do I suppress the very essence of who I have been brainwashed to be? How do I find the real man I am in search of? It’s a huge challenge for me, but one that I am dedicated to overcome. The driving force behind me wanting to change my dominating ways, is the fact that I want my next relationship to be my last love.

There is a very real and true statement that we need to incorporate in our everyday routine, and it goes: “You will always catch more bees with honey, than you will flies with crap…”

Talk to me....
DDW

I am PERFECT....!

I am content and satisfied with every flaw, as I know God created me with nothing but greatness in mind. My stretch marks are the result of birthing two beautiful children that are developing into strong young men. My nose is big because God intended for me to take in deep breathes and inhale the air He streams into my body. My breasts are sized in accordance to supply my children with just enough nourishment. There is no need to strive to be any more PERFECT than what I am; my soul is at peace, my heart is pure, I am in direct alignment with God’s plan…

If you had vision you would be able to look beneath my surface and see that I am precious, but I am not for every man to experience. My PERFECT body may not be for you. You may be in search of IMPERFECTION, to which I have no account. Your search for IMPERFECTION may be the disguise you wear to lift your low self esteem. You’re right! Pass me by; I want no part in uplifting you. So goodbye, I bid you farewell, as I watch you walk pass PERFECTION and not even know it.

I am at peace with who I am. Folk see what "they believe" are my flaws and wonder how I can be so confident. My bald head is held high, my posture is erect, my stride is that of a thoroughbred, and the grace and elegance of my style is effortless, I will not allow you to disturb my PERFECT peace, because PERFECT is who I AM….

Talk to me....
DDW

The Confusing Dating Game.....

Eight months have passed since I wrote my blog on being single, and nothing has changed. I have met and dated men, but none of them seemed ready to go the distance, want to commit, simply were not interested, or maybe the chemistry was non-existent. I’ve grown to dislike the, at times grueling process of dating. I am not interested in acquiring anymore male friends, as the two I have are more than enough. When I get this vibe, I am completely uninterested in even a friendship. I do enjoy dating when it seems there is a mutual enthusiasm and interest. Perhaps I am not clearly articulating my expectations, or if I am, it could be a little premature which scares them off??? The uncertainty is what confuses me the most. I have been on enough dates to know when the objective is no more than a conquest, and on those dates, my non-interest is immediately noticed.

I wonder why men send signals that seem to be from “outer space.” I’ve met many men who were attracted to me, who have been persistent in getting to know me. Men who send me flowers, cards, candy, perfume and text cute notes to let me know they were thinking of me. Men who take me out to lovely restaurants and say all the right things – everything seems to be moving in the right direction. Then, out of nowhere the enthusiasm changes, our communication and conversation seem to diminish, their interest wanes, and they disappear without a trace or a clue with no explanation.

I find this behavior immature, frustrating, confusing and ambiguous. I’ve asked some of my male friends to share their thoughts/points of view on this behavior. What they shared still left me puzzled, and wanting more insight. I don’t believe it has anything to do with my demographic area, my age, my standards, my looks, the so-called ratio of women to men, where I work, how much money I have or any other excuse you can think of to determine why I am single. We are individuals and we all have an agenda. Finding that individual with an agenda that’s similar to ours is the challenge.

I want to believe finding my soul mate is all about timing, Godspeed, fate and destiny. When your soul mate arrives it will be the two of you coming together at a precise moment in time that cannot be controlled, determined or foreseen. However, I do wonder if I should stand still, and allow fate to take its natural course – OR – if I should intervein and help fate along, by looking for the man that is to be my “soul mate”?

My ideal soul mate and I will be equally yoked, and have the same goals in life. Our lifestyles and values will be consistent with one another. We will instantly know that we belong together – there will be no mistake about that. Establishing our relationship will be effortless, and loving each other will be easy. There will be a sense of peace and harmony, respect and admiration, caring and trust. We will form a bond that cannot be broken, and God will bless this unity with unconditional love, faith in Him, prosperity, and compassion.

I will keep you updated on my progress, or lack there of.

Talk to me….
DDW

Imagine……a journey through time.

I’m imagining I am a “slave” in the late 1700’s early 1800’s in Virginia. I am there. I am amongst my people, clueless as to why I am in this forsaken country, this foreign land with foreign verbiage. Transported in a vessel to the other side of the world chained together with my brothers and sisters as if we were ainmals. Why were we snatched from our land, from our communities, from our culture? Was there no one who could farm your land, raise your children, cook your meals, and bore your unwanted children who I grew to love? My hands are callous, my back is weak, my arthritic hands and knees have had enough of the rigorous work you have ordered me to do. And in return you feed me the remains of animals you would not feed your dog, you give me rags to wear on my back, and sell my family members on the auction block to the highest bidder.

You are evil. You came to our land and snatched us, you came into our shacks and raped us, you whipped our strong men with the hopes that you would break them. You remedy us ignorant, you degrade and abuse us. However, we remain strong. We look to God to deliver us from this torture. You can not break me you people devoid of color, you have tried, but you can NOT break me!

I’m imagining I am a “nigger” in the 1960’s, in rural Alabama. I am there. I am amongst my people, clueless as to why I am still treated like less than a man. Why are we sprayed with water from hoses, ordered to sit on the back of the bus, and crosses burned in our front yard? I ask myself “Does my color and or presence scare you?” Are you now threatened by my freedom and what it is I could possibly do to you? What is it that makes you want to treat me unlike the man I am? I know. You think me beneath you. You call yourself a Christian, but are unaware, or refuse to believe that God has created man equal. I am free. I am no longer obligated to call you “massa” and agree with you “Yes sah boss.” I am my own man. I now receive pay for the rigorous work I do, although my wages are not equalled to the labor performed. I no longer have to show “freedom papers” as proof of my humanity.

I am afraid to walk the dark roads past a certain hour, fearful that I may be hung from a tree. I walk with my head down, afraid that if I look up, I would have broken some unwritten law. I know my place, although I am not happy with this condition. I pray the leaders of the Civil Rights movement are protected by the hand of God, and that someday Black folk will not have to live in fear. “We” are a strong people, you can not break me you members of a racist group of European decent, you have tried, but you can NOT break me!

I am an “African-American” today, in New York City. I am here. I live in a big city among many cultures and am thankful for the opportunities and possessions that I have. My ancestors did not die and suffer in vain. They died securing the freedom and privileges that we enjoy. No longer can you demean me to my face, spit on me, and rape our women with no recourse. I am human, and you have begun to treat me as such.

To the amazement of our ancestors, the leader of this country is of African decent. Barack Hussein Obama, all praise is due! I am happy, but I am NOT surprised. We are a strong, intelligent people. We were born to be great. We have endured much pain and suffering in our past, for this day to be before us. President Barack Obama along with all who value freedom are standing on the shoulders of our ancestors who suffered so that we, our children, and generations to come, will not have to experience the injustices that they gave their lives for.

Barack Obama is our payback without violence. He is the silent scream of our ancestors.

Talk to me…..
DDW

Negative thoughts are TOXIC.......

“There are all kinds of toxins that can build up in our minds. When we go around dwelling on the wrong thoughts, thinking about what we can’t do, how somebody hurt us, or how we’ll never get ahead, those thoughts are toxic. Toxic thoughts left alone become like toxic waste. It gets into your heart, and eventually, contaminates your whole life. It affects your self-image, your attitude, and your level of confidence. The Bible tells us that we have to guard our hearts and minds above all else because if your mind gets polluted, your whole life is going to be polluted.Make a decision to go on a fast from negative, self-defeating thoughts. Cleanse your mind from what is harmful and fill yourself with thoughts of faith and victory. As you do, those good thoughts will strengthen and empower you to live the good life God has planned for you!” – By Joel Osteen

The above is a very powerful statement. In my opinion we must first believe that a positive thought will produce positive results. I truly believe positive thinking can bring about a positive change in our lives, and improve our lives in most areas.I’m sure it will be a challenge at first to block these negative thoughts, of course!!! BUT once you put this pattern in place and get into the habit and realize what the power of positive thinking holds, you'll wonder why you hadn't done so sooner! As a negative thought attempts to enter your spirit…”will” it away and replace it with a positive thought.

I’ve learned that if I continue to hold grudges, be mad at ex’s, have regrets, etc., I could go through my whole life in a negative state of mind – I WONT claim that! I will not allow this thought to take over who I am aiming to be. Anyone who goes through their entire life in a negative state of mind does not realize it will take over their very soul and become who they are!


I would say the negative thought pattern in the above statement would automatically relate to “Self Esteem”. Self Esteem, or self improvement, is the measurement of one’s self worth or how important they believe they are. Do you agree with the relation? If so, let’s delve deeper:

How can we have the negative thoughts mentioned in the above statement and have “High” Self Esteem? We can’t, it’s impossible. Your Self Esteem begins as a child, with your parents showing you love, affection, telling you, you can do anything, giving you a sense of invincibility. If this is not instilled in us as children we grow with no sense of appreciation…am I making sense? As you grow you begin to believe the things your parents told you about yourself, and your confidence is increased…this is a healthy way of living.

All in all, a happy and healthy thought process will lead to many a fruitful life…

Talk to me….
DDW

I Remember.....

I’m sure we all have memories of not so long ago of better days. Below are just a few memories of my childhood…enjoy!

I remember Christmas as a child. This being the most magical holiday ever! Carolers would come to the courtyard of the building we lived in to sing Christmas Carols. My family and I would look out the window and enjoy the moment. The singing may not have been great, but the meaning and the moment were memorable. My sister and I could not wait for “The Grinch who Stole Christmas”, “A Charlie Brown Christmas”, and “The Year without a Santa Claus (“I’m Mr. Green Christmas, I’m Mr. Sun. I’m Mr. Heat Blister; I’m Mr. One hundred and One…”) to come on non-cable television. We would make every effort to have our homework completed, the dishes cleaned and our baths, by the time 8pm came so we could watch these shows every year. On Christmas morning we would wake up to all of our toys and games. There were three girls, so we shared quite a bit. My family did not have much, but on Christmas morning it seemed as though our entire living room was filled. Easy Bake Oven, Doll Houses, Baby Alive, Jenny Jones and Baby John, Mr. Potato Head, Slinky, The “Operation” Game…etc. Amazing!

I remember Easter Sunday as a child. I’m not sure if Easter can compare or if it even means the same for children of today as it meant when I was growing up, but I could not wait for Easter Sunday to arrive. We had two new sets of clothes to be excited about. We had the new Church clothes; you know those black shiny patent leather shoes, white tights, white hat with flowers surrounding the brim, white cape/ knit shawl, white gloves and a cute little girlie purse to match. We can’t forget the fresh press and curl our mother used to do in the kitchen with the straightening comb over the stove, with a dap of “Afro-Sheen Pressing Grease/Cream” on the back of her hand. We were clean!!! When we returned from that two hour sermon about “Jesus Christ our Savior”, we could not wait to put on our second set of clothes, the cool clothes…yeah baby! I don’t particularly remember the outfit I had, but I do remember my black marshmallow shoes with the little flower on the side. Now, anybody who knew about these shoes, knew the official ones had no flowers. Mine were not the official ones. My marshmallow bottom was a half inch of hard azz plastic. My sisters had the real marshmallow shoes – dag!

I remember Summer Time as a child. In the early 70’s (1972-1973), my family lived in an area of New York City known as the South Bronx, in a neighborhood of connecting tenement buildings. There was a Bodega on one corner, and a Laundromat on the other. Our neighborhood was live! I remember folk sitting on the stoop (stairs to those who don’t know what a stoop is) of our building, drinking soda, eating, or cornbraiding someone’s hair. I had to stay in the front of the building where my mother would be able to see me if she looked out the window. My sisters had the freedom to roam from one corner of the block to the next. That was the extent/perimeter of their hanging out, corner to corner. If my mother looked out that window and did not see us, she would be on her way downstairs to "wreak" havoc. There were girls playing double-Dutch, and hop scotch on the sidewalk. People would be playing jacks on the stoop, and hand games (i.e., Mizz Mary Mack, Mack, Mack. All dressed in black, black, black. with silver buttons, buttons…etc.). In the street there were young men playing basketball with the hoop being a plastic crate that had no bottom, posted on the utility pole of the block. There were also people playing “skelze” (sp?) in the street. Some may not be familiar with skelze, but it was a cool game back in the day. When it was extremely hot, someone would turn on the Johnny Pump. There was always someone who had the can and placed it at the opening of the pump to make the water go up in the air, and everywhere else. I used to love getting wet, it was great! When it was time to go upstairs my mother would yell out the window (ghetto, I know, but acceptable back then) for us to come upstairs. We would beg to stay outside and sometimes she let us, but when she didn’t, we would go upstairs and get on the fire escape and watch those who were still outside playing.

I have so many fond memories of my childhood. Life was good! My mother raised her three daughters to the best of her ability and I must say she did a pretty good job. At times she was strict. One of many of her sayings was “I am not your friend - I’m your mother and you will do as I say. When you become grown we can be friends, but not until then….” meaning her way was the law. I appreciate this saying, and understand it completely. I don’t raise my children as my mother raised us and I do not necessarily ascribe to her philosophy. My sons and I are very close, I am their friend to an extent and they completely understand that I am in charge. I tell them how lucky children are today and how good they have it. The contrast between growing up when I was a child and my children is remarkable. My children receive an allowance, and I did not. I think because of that, I know how to save, and I believe that some children these days are wasteful and take things for granted. My children have the latest fashions and electronics in excess, and as a child I was lucky to have one pair of sneakers. My son will have his own car before he graduates High School and I was lucky to have a bike! My sons and I go on two family vacations per year, and as a child I cannot recall us going on any vacations at all. My son can ask me for one hundred dollars with no problem and get it. I wouldn’t dream of asking my mom for that amount of money, more or less expect to get it if I did ask.

Times have changed dramatically. As we watch our children grow, and see the generational changes, we can remember with fondness how it used to be back in the day.

Talk to me…
DDW