Money Saving tips on your road to Financial Freedom...

People see your life on social media and have absolutely no idea what you went through to become the person you are. My mom was a single, working parent raising three daughters, I grew up in The Bronx, I went to public school all of my life, I never completed Community college, and finally, in 1999 my husband passed away at the ripe old age of 29, leaving me to raise my two young children (then 3 and 7) alone. So I’ve seen some adversity in this life, but I didn’t let any of these obstacles stop me.

I’m often asked “How do you do it? How are you able to do all that you do with no help?” It was hard, but show me a life that doesn’t have its challenges. Get a plan together as to what you want to do, and what steps you need to follow to accomplish your personal goal(s). Once you have that plan, stick to it.  No matter how hard it is, “try” to focus on the end result.

Stick to your budget!  You don’t need that new phone, that new Smart TV, or the latest Yeezy’s. Budget carefully and know the importance of budgeting. Choose your outings wisely by keeping in mind your available funds so that you don’t overspend.  Always make sure to put something, ANYTHING towards your savings. Rainy days are sometimes inevitable, and this may be your saving grace.

Try to pay down your debt. The goal as you grow older is living a debt free life and having financial freedom.  The following are some of my basic rules which allow me to live my best financial life.

Pay down your debt:

1. Try to put yourself in a position to pay off your larger assets if you can. I found that whenever I bought a car, when it got down to that last $5K, I would write a check to pay it off. This way that monthly car note money, would go directly to my 401K, another saving vehicle.
2. Try to double up on your mortgage payments. This is not easy, but it is doable. If you are unable to double it, put what you can afford towards that mortgage payment to bring down your principle.
3. Credit cards…do people still have those? When I purchased my apartment, my mortgage lender suggested that I pay off all of my credit cards, so I did with the exception of one, which I still have 16 years later. If you can, I suggest this as well.  All of the money you save should be directed somewhere where it will benefit you in your retirement years (i.e., 401K or an IRA).

Take your meals to work with you: 

1. How many times have we heard in our life that it is polite to clean your plate? That may be so, but there are times when you eat out that the portions are HUGE, so bring your own to work and you will eat only the necessary amount.
2. We all know that if you add up how much you spend on breakfast and lunch in one day then times that by five, you could probably do a weeks’ worth of grocery shopping (at least I DEFINITELY can)
3. You know your food is made with good quality ingredients. You chose those veggies and fruits, so you know they’re good.  You also know you wash your hands before you prepare your meals …so be safe, and bring your own.

Turn that Brain on in the Grocery Store:

1. Take advantage of grocery store circulars. They have some great deals listed and they change weekly.
2. Buy store brand products. Guess what?  Those named brand beans come from the same facility as those store brand beans.
3. Utilize store “Rain Checks”. If you see a really great deal and they have no more in stock, don’t fret, get your raincheck.  You can always use that deal in the coming months.

Sales and Clearance Items:

1. Sign up to your favorite store for emails letting you know about sales. Oftentimes, you will be the first to know, and you get first dibs on the merchandise.
2. Make a b-line to the “Clearance” department. I could care less if it’s last season’s merchandise. I’m still wearing merchandise from ten seasons’ ago…
3. If you live near any Outlets, take advantage of them. I find that when the holidays are coming up is when they have the best deals. I don’t necessarily suggest you go high end shopping at the Outlets, but I do like the Nike and Adidas stores in the Outlet malls.

Household Repairs and Upgrades:

1. Invite some friends and family over and have a paint party for a quick spruce up OR you can do it yourself.  That’s what I do, I find it therapeutic.
2. Change your own sockets, light switches, or even put up your own ceiling fans. Hey, if I can do these things, so can you.
3. Plaster that hole in the wall yourself.  You CAN do this! Don’t pay handymen to do these small tasks.  Believe me, when the big issues arise you will have money saved to pay them for these things. 

Save on your Utilities: 

1. I noticed my electricity bill was really high a few years ago and when I called my provider, it was suggested that when no one is home to “unplug” everything I would not need.  I did this and it saved me $50.00 that month.  This is now a daily practice for me.
2. DO NOT run the water as you are brushing your teeth. Wet your toothbrush, turn water off, apply toothpaste, brush, and then rinse your toothbrush accordingly. DO NOT run your shower, leave the bathroom and talk on the phone for 30 minutes. Your water bill may not be too much, but it’s good for the environment to be cautious.

In closing, the objective is to be a smart consumer. Budget wisely, ask questions, and be aggressive in your search for your own personal goal. The above are just a few strategies that have worked and continue to work for me. I find that my life has changed for the better by following these simple rules. I hope you utilize some of these tips, and you are on your path to living your best life…

Talk to me...

DDW

"This is a MAN'S world".....or is it?

I hear so much talk about how women are too independent, and how men want a woman who yes is independent, but soft.  I’m hearing society has made women hard, and therefore men don’t want a woman that is hard and doesn’t need a man in this day and age.

Well answer me this?  What has society taught men in this day and age about women? I think men don’t know what the fuck they want!  If you’re too independent he fears she will be dominant, and he cant control the household. He can’t have that, BUT yet he doesn’t want a woman who is dependent either.  WHAT THE FUCK do you want?  If you are dependent, he thinks you are lazy and uneducated, and you only want his money.

You want us to have a career, clean the house, take care of the kids, be educated, pretty, and fit, BUT you want us to submit to your needs upon demand.  You DON’T want us to be unemployed, home bodies, uneducated, fat or unattractive because then you think we’re useless. What THE FUCK do you want? 

We live in the 21^st century.  Women today will not be the women of the 60’s 70’s or even 80’s…and guess what?  As we continue to move into different decades and millenniums, it’s only going to magnify? 

I recently read an article that stated “If a woman is too smart, a man sees you as either boring or a threat if he is not on your level”.  If you make more money than he does, or have a higher credit score, or you have a Masters and he only has a Bachelors, he feels threatened, but WHY?????  Why is a strong, educated woman a threat or shunned?  Why is SHE single?

Women have been taught to take care of themselves by their elders or women before them.  You know why (or what could partly be a reason why?)?  Because women of yester year who were not educated, who were housewives, may have been abused both mentally and physically, and for the most part had nowhere to go, so they had to rely on their husbands for their livelihood.  So “those” women taught their daughters, and those daughters, taught their daughters to be strong, to be smart, to always have your own, so you won’t have to endure such abuse.  To never stay somewhere and be abused just because you don’t have your shit together.  Wouldn’t a man teach his daughter this same lesson?  Wouldn’t a man encourage his daughter to be the absolute best she can be?  To never have to settle?  So again, tell me in THIS day and age what a man is looking for in a woman?

Where is the balance?  What the FUCK do you want?  Men be verbal, be expressive, be communicative, tell women what men want because what I hear is so fucking contradictory it’s ridiculous!

I’m listening….seriously listening.

"Food for thought..."

I wish I were prettier

I wish I had larger breast

I wish I had a larger butt

I wish I had an hourglass figure

I wish I had long hair

I wish I were Kim Kardashian’ish

I wish….

I wish my mother were alive

I wish my husband were alive

I wish I could manipulate time
I wish I could bring them back…

I wish my Dad were in my life as a girl/young woman

I wish my friends loved me as much as they actually say they do
I wish….

I wish for cures for the afflicted

I wish for more compassion in the world

I wish poverty were at an all time low
I wish "peace on earth" were more than just words...

I wish money and status didn’t matter

I wish….  

I wish politicians were honest
I wish religious leaders were more upstanding
I wish the judicial system were fair

I wish the police were policed

I wish #blacklivesmatter were a reality

I wish for unyielding, unconditional, uncontrollable LOVE

I wish….for free coffee

I wish everyone "food for thought" this coming New Year…

DDW

Why are we obsessed with Social Media?

Why is it that we can’t seem to function without checking our social media accounts at some point in our day?  I’m guilty of this obsession and in its most revealing form, is a habit that we all enjoy.  I can’t be sure that social media is a “good” thing as much as I am almost sure it is an “addiction” of some sort. 

Social media has captivated our society where some people are obsessed with its overwhelming power to allure and influence, and/or to network and conduct business. 

Our youth however, are following and wanting to emulate the wrong images of celebrities and entertainers that are living fantasies themselves.  Young girls see reality stars and want to look like them.  They want plastic surgery and to live the life that these famous people have.  Young girls and women seem to be okay with being called a “bitch,” being okay with “sexting” and with posting degrading videos of themselves in compromising positions just to be viewed by the millions.  It saddens me.

I saw a news program about “butt” enhancements in a Central American country.  The program had a reporter follow one girl in her quest to enhance her bottom.  The girl was fifteen (15) years old.  When the procedure was completed, she told the reporter that her butt was not large enough and that in six (6) months she would return for another procedure.  Her reasoning for another procedure “I want the “men” (not boys) to look at my bottom when I pass them…”  Fifteen years old….My goodness!  This sweet little girl should be doing her homework, setting goals for her future, studying or shopping at the mall with her friends. 

As parents we should be educating our children about spirituality, how to love God, how to love ourselves, and how to love one another.  What happened to programs like the PAL (Police Athletic League), the Mission Society (The Cadets), The Boys and Girls Club to give our children an alternative to spending hours upon hours on social media?   We need more mentors, more teachers, more coaches, and more community leaders in our society [village] to help raise our children if need be. We (as parents) need to also know that we are not our children’s only influence, we have to instill our family values and morals into their brains so they know to be respectful adults. 

In recent years, Social Media has become ubiquitous and important for social networking and content sharing.  It’s one thing to be connected socially --it’s another thing to allow Social Media and video games to be the primary focus.  It’s never  too late to be proactive in our children’s lives….#ijs

Talk to me...

DDW

My First Love......

Selfish.  That’s how I feel when I think to myself I want my mom out of this misery.  It’s misery.  I’m waiting for my mother to die.

 It’s my family and I gathering around her hospice bed, looking at her, crying over her, praying for her, and feeling sorry for her.  We touch her, hold her hands, run our fingers through her course hair, and stroke her cheek.  We play music from her hay day, hoping she enjoys the melody, hoping they are bringing to life some memory inside of her, hoping for a sign that she enjoys this time we are with her.

I randomly whisper in her ear “I love you”, “You were a great mother to me”, “I’m right here next to you”, and “I’m sorry this had to happen to you mommy”.  I can no longer expect a response, I can only tell her things in hopes that she can understand what it is I am doing.  Inconsolably, I’m waiting for my mother to die.

My nightmares are no longer of what’s under the bed, or what’s hiding in the closet, or of when the boogie man will strike.  My nightmare is not necessarily at “night”.  What I fear is my telephone ringing; I fear what I may hear on the other end.  It is a waiting game, a horrible, atrocious, ghastly waiting game that I cannot stop at my leisure. 

My thoughts regarding my mother these days are not of the good times, or the wonderful memories, unfortunately.  My thoughts bring tears, pain, and extreme panic.  My thoughts cannot move past the image of her lying in bed unable to effectively communicate with her loved ones.  My thoughts….

My primary parent is leaving this earth sooner than later, and this feeling is foreign for me.  I don’t know what to expect. My life will no longer be the same.  This experience has PERMANENTLY changed the fabric of what the rest of my life will be. All I know is my mother, her voice, her touch, her smile, her laugh, her smell, her mannerisms. 

 I am ANGRY!  I am HURTING!  I want to SCREAM!!!! HOW DO I MOVE FORWARD?  WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?  WHAT DO I DO?   There is absolutely nothing I can do, but “Wait for my mother to die…..”

John 14:1-3 

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.

Memories of Mother.....

I’m at a crossroad in my life.  My mom is suffering from the end stages of dementia (A form of Alzheimers), and it has been quite difficult for my family and siblings to see her at this stage.  Whenever I see her, I get weak, and I want to break down in tears….as she is but a shell of the vibrant woman I remember.

I think back to yester year when she was well.  I think of the littlest of things like her hands, and how pretty they were with long nails. My mother smoked many years ago, so I remember her holding a cigarette between her delicate fingers, and lifting it to her mouth.  I remember the gap between her two front teeth and how beautiful it looked when she smiled.  I remember her laugh as she would talk on the phone to her sister. She is no longer able to speak so I think of her sweet voice.

Many days when she would come home from work, my sister and I would hope she had treats for us.  If any of you are from New York and are familiar with the 34^th Street “Herald Square” train station many years ago, you may remember the candy concession stand dead center after you paid your token.  My mother would stop and get her favorite candy, “Jordan Almonds”.  I remember this so clearly, they came in a small white paper bag, and she would eat them on the way home while riding the train.  If there were any left my sister and I would share them, Oh!  How we loved those little candies.   I have many memories that are so VERY precious to me.

I love you so much mommy, so very much.  I’m crying as I type, as I am filled with emotion.  It has occurred to me that at some point you may not remember me, BUT if you ever feel a slight wind pass your ear, just know it’s me whispering “I love you, and you will always be with me….”

DDW

The End of Sadness….

All alone, and left with my thoughts.  I doubt anyone cares.  I cry often, begging God for finality, and ease of anguish.  Despair, disdain and desperation begin to set in.  I wonder what my purpose in life is, and will it reveal itself in time. My sadness is real, my loneliness is real, and my emotional downward spiral is REAL!

 I have no one to turn to; no one takes my heartache and pain serious.  My furtive calls for help fall upon deaf ears.  The earliest I can speak with someone professionally is ninety days, when I need to speak with someone now.  Will anyone listen before its too late?  

When all is done, there will be many who will come to see me, who will cry for me, who will have distant fond memories of me, but I’m not fooled.  They never cared.  If they cared, they would have been with me before my departure.  Talking to me, consoling me, uplifting me, holding me, telling me they love me, and I have nothing to fear.  WHERE WERE YOU?!?!?  The lights and the fire are out, too late for your words of comfort and kindness that you stand on the podium to recite.  It’s stuffy, dark and tight in here, but I hear you all weep. The pastor reads his scripture, the flowers are thrown, the dirt is shoveled, and those who have grieved and mourned my passing are now leaving to go back to living their lives.  It is forever, the end of my sadness….

*This post is NOT about me, but I do understand some aspects of this writing.  At times I'm sad, cry and speak with God on various issues.  However, there are people who follow through with suicide due to lack of resources or we don’t see the signs.  Please try to be aware of the signs, and be willing to help…. 

http://www.webmd.com/depression/depression-helpline